Weekly Ramble #29

This week more than any I stand by my decision to write and tell a story about a drunk super hero.

Like all of my books they are about so much more than what’s on the surface. Blurbs and covers sometimes do a book zero justice and even now I have a feeling people judged the Teleporter harshly to begin with and most probably still do (I guess I cant win them all). How dare I write a story with a genre that’s ‘in’ at the moment because even now I can see my own logic in doing it. Super heroes are more popular than ever, and did people just see through that? Did everyone just see me trying to ride a trend and attempt to cash in on it?  Was it just an empty grab a fashionable genre?

To begin with that’s what I set out to do, but in the end, this book became something so much more.

The sheer will of my main characters journey is what makes The Teleporter worth reading.

13 people purchased a copy of the Teleporter on release. That was my lowest ever book launch sales figure until Cemetery House but we won’t count that or talk about that (sequels are strange) and even though it’s low, I have zero complaints. That number grew by a handful until this year and back then (even January this year) my following was a lot less than what it is compared to today. This whole deal; reviewing books, interacting, giving back to the writing community has opened a huge door for me. And I haven’t just reached out past my own shores of Hall island to sell books, I’ve done it above all to become a better writer and to be taken seriously, and people are taking this seriously now.

There are two ways a writer learns their craft; by doing and by reading. Along the way I’ve met some pretty bad ass bloggers and authors, types whom I share this voyage with. Perhaps building bridges is what leads to real success in creating.

This week The Teleporter has owned the day. Several times when complete strangers have cast the net out into the twittersphere looking for reads; my scrappy little underdog of a book has come out on top; above other books from authors with huge amounts of follows. That has always been my gimmick, the underdog who waits on the fringes of the unexpected, waiting to strike, waiting for my moment and proving to the international stage that I’m good at what I do.

Thank you to everyone this week, and before this moment. Those who left a review for the Teleporter before today are probably a huge reason why it’s been downloaded over 600 times in two days!

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The Teleporter is FREE to download!

KABLAMO!

Friends, bloggers and readers from all over the world my 3rd Book The Teleporter is officially free to download. This is a rare one off deal so go now to Amazon and grab yourself a copy….

(The Teleporter won’t be free to download for a very long time, trust me) 

Not convinced I hear? This post is dedicated to convincing YOU to make The Teleporter your next read!

Let the prosecution present to you ‘Exhibit A’ or also known as ‘dem’ Reviews…

Exhibit A:

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Reviews aren’t everything, I know and some of you know that. Maybe some of you are thinking I just paid a bunch of people to review The Teleporter I didn’t, in fact this book is relatively undiscovered…

FUN FACT: It only sold around 13 copies on release…. 

Indie books take a long time to gather any type of following, unless you got a pro marketing company, a boat load of money and lady luck on your side, so like all of my works the reviews have come after some time. It’s taken a whole year to get to 6 reviews and so its up to you, the reader to tell the world about it.

You could be responsible for telling the world about The Teleporter! (I’ll probably buy you at least 12 drinks for that type of support)

(No doubles, I have a mortgage to pay…)

Exhibit B: It’s a comedy….

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Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, let me admit these quotes are actually quite terrible at reflecting how funny The Teleporter really is (no wonder it only sold 13 fu**ing copies), but trust me, you’ll laugh, I did, a lot.

ANOTHER FUN FACT: My marketing campaign was probably terrible… there really are better quotes than the sh** above; lesson learned I guess and that’s the most important thing (what all partial failures like me say).

But… it’s not all ‘ha ha’. This book has a hell of a lot more going on than just gags. There is a real message and moral to the story. Our main protagonist struggles to come to terms with his new power, there is a whole responsibility thing going on with that struggle and friendship arc as well.

Exhibit 3: – It’s deep (not a sexual reference)

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Members of the jury, seeing as this book is a super hero story, it wouldn’t be one without subtly nodding to the Marvel cinematic universe. This quote above is said by a ‘Stan Lee’ type during the latter stages of the story.

Exhibit D: – The Teleporter is dedicated to breaking stereotypes by appearing as just another super hero story, but it isn’t just another super hero story!  

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The prosecution rests…

ANOTHER ANOTHER FUN FACT: I’m into courtroom dramas at the moment, can you tell? That ‘The People Vs O.J  show was awesome… yes I also realize I’m some years late, I’m an author, and I’m busy…

…and now awaits the verdict which will hopefully be in the form of a 1000 downloads or more. Let me know if you’ve grabbed a copy by commenting on this post or tweeting me! Happy reading and thanks for the support!

Extra fun fact: Every time The Teleporter is mentioned in this post, the link to the book is attached to it… so get clicking! 

Bonus shizzle/ further reading:

Here are some more reasons why you should read the Teleporter…

And this is what the cover looks like, although you shouldn’t judge books by covers, except mine because they rock!

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Ultra Super Bonus content: Are you still here? Well if you are I have promised to myself that The Teleporter will get a sequel if it gets more than 15 reviews… so what are you waiting for? 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

‘Twister’ meets ‘The Teleporter’: the ultimate ‘what if’ crossover scenario…

Just what would happen if a man called ‘Twister’ met ‘The Teleporter’? This is a crossover nobody asked for, but you’re getting it anyway because writer Lee Hall needed content and because it’s nearly Christmas he should have probably thought of something special to give back to his handful of loyal, well cultured, possibly well endowed readers, yes this is a comedy, but aren’t they all…  sit back and enjoy what is a meeting of literary juggernauts of the ‘lhallverse’….

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(Imagine a bar in low light, there aren’t many people, in fact there are only two. One is half perched at a stool in a long rain coat. His hair is mid length and unkempt. There’s stubble on his face and scars on both hands; one of which is cradling a tumbler of whisky. His name is Twister and he looks in no particular direction when the other guy approaches, The Teleporter; dressed in a turquoise hood and purple skinny jeans, a purple bandanna covers his face along with shades.)

The Teleporter: Hey cowboy, is this seat taken?

Twister: I don’t see any other folks around to claim it.

The Teleporter: Rugged and brooding, how original.

Twister: Excuse me? (he looks to the Teleporter with a raised eyebrow) 

The Teleporter: Let me guess your genre. Wait a second I got this…

Twister: What are you possibly talking about? and what’s  the deal with the outfit? That denim looks a tad feminine.

The Teleporter: Yep, and gender is more than just a word these days but let’s focus on you cowboy. You got those scars, that unshaven look and the whole frown towards life going on. Let’s not mention the whisky your nursing, I’m gonna say horror, or even thriller.

Twister: Still not with ya pal. But looking at those colors and the tight denim I’m gonna say your some kind of fa…

The Teleporter: Whoah! ease back class of 2002, you can’t just go throwing out that kind of language these days, in fact you probably shouldn’t back in ’02 either.

Twister: ’91

The Teleporter: Who in the what now?

Twister:  Class of ’91. Never graduated though, that’s a long story.

The Teleporter: Whatever you say gramps, but you can’t go around throwing out accusations and stuff about what people wear these days.

Twister: These days? Where do you think we are?

The Teleporter: Hoping to god this isn’t my sequel. But you seriously don’t understand this gig?

Twister: It sounds like English but I’m not following. What’s your deal? Maybe should start with names.

The Teleporter: They call me the Teleporter. My deal, is mainly booze and sometimes yoga. Perhaps an occasional blog post.

Twister: They call me Twister.

The Teleporter: Well Twister, how many books did you get?

Twister: Books?

The Teleporter: Cut the crap. The fourth wall is literally right there dude.

Twister: Three..

The Teleporter: Jesus, three books, seriously… (exasperated)

Twister: Well two actually, one was a sequel/prequel and the other is kind of a cameo deal.

The Teleporter: Cameos and sequels? What are you Clark Thorn in disguise?  What the skittles man? I’m got one that’s not even full length.

Twister: Well I aint one for telling bedtime stories… (he finishes the whisky) 

The Teleporter: Is that supposed to be your catchphrase? (he reaches over the bar and grabs a bottle of beer) 

Twister: Says the guy dressed like a damn clown. So what does the mighty ‘Teleporter’ do then apart from kill the mood with sarcasm and empty humor? (he grabs the beer from the teleporter)

The Teleporter: That burns. I take down the assholes in this world who abuse their power. (he grabs another bottle)

Twister: Sounds like a noble cause. Even with the shitty humor attempts.

The Teleporter: Well this is a world where nothing is original. And so what does ‘Twister’ do with his time? and don’t say it’s complicated or it’s a long story, this isn’t a shitty facebook relationship status update. Let me guess, you’re a vegan blogger?

Twister: I survive.

The Teleporter: Deep and reflective. That’s a great title for a porn flick. But it doesn’t give much away, even after three books that’s all your giving me?

Twister: Says the guy hiding under a hood…

The Teleporter: So what does Twister stand for?

Twister: Real name’s Randy.  I don’t stand for much other than my own survival. The line of work I’m in, we’ll call it extermination. (he pulls out a curved sabre type blade and places it heavily on the bar)

The Teleporter: That’s some impressive hardware. What are we exterminating?

Twister: Various kinds of vermin. Is the ‘Teleporter’ just a solo deal or is there some kind of sidekick?

The Teleporter: You’re gonna have to read my story to find out… (pulls out a thin book and slaps it down on the bar) What about you stretch? are you running around exterminating alone or is there some kind of crew you run with?

Twister: I’ve ran with my fare share back in the day but the line of work I’m in, let’s just say nobody sticks around for long.

The Teleporter: Again with the deep mystery, it’s like you don’t want to give too much away to entice reader folks to pick up your tales.

Twister: Isn’t that why we are here? (looks to camera with the Teleporter) 

The Teleporter: There’s the fourth wall break I was waiting for, feels good right?

Twister: Whatever you say pal… (knocks back the beer and gets up) Well, the road is calling me (grabs sabre)

The Teleporter: We should do this again and then maybe I’ll get the sequel I deserve.

Twister: Hang in there, the reviews of this ain’t bad (looks to the front cover of the Teleporter’s book). 

The Teleporter: Thanks for the inspiration.

Twister: Is that a sarcastic thank you or…

The Teleporter: I don’t know man, I mean, now your leaving but taking your time and what do we do, shake hands, man hug, or even nod defiantly.

Twister: You’re the one who made this awkward. I’m goin now.

The Teleporter: Well, I hate goodbyes.

Twister: We literally just met.

The Teleporter: But I feel like we genuinely bonded.

Twister: We didn’t. I’m gone.

The Teleporter: I can still see you…

You can catch Twister in Open Evening and Cemetery House, of course they are also linked and in the same universe as Darke Blood!

The Teleporter is out now! Rock and roll man!

Happy Holidays folks!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Weekly ramble #5

I’ve never liked management, let alone the word. And as I lay down these words I do so with hope. Hope that there are others who feel like I do.

You see no matter what path we take, success and failure are around every corner and over every horizon. I’m a half full type of guy and always have been, but then again all it takes is for that glass to smash and I’m in a struggle to pick up the pieces in order to glue them all back to how they were. Maybe life cannot be resumed to the exact same track after it has been altered, maybe that’s the beauty that stands between that fine line of good times and bad.

We spend so long focusing on a moment of failure and the trying to get back on track as opposed to thinking maybe it was meant to be. Wherever you are now is where you are supposed to be. Good days and bad days are perhaps the constant, and the variable is you and your thinking position, maybe that’s what you can change, your trail of thought.

And just when you have yourself figured out and a path planned ahead, somebody has to interfere, somebody has to think they can ‘manage’ that path. There are people who like to think they can ‘lead’ or they can ‘guide’ where really they are just a let down. I’m not personally attacking management as a whole, but for once I just want someone in such a position of power not to be the typical comic book villain about it. Is it that hard to listen to others? Are opinions really that bad? Sometimes a good leader is one who just listens and then acts accordingly.

I have only managed a few times in life, and my definition of management would be to know the answer to every question somebody in that room has, something I doubt many managers have as a credential.

Life is indeed full of downs and ups, right now I’m descending, it happens and as an artist its good. I went to a dark place in order to pen the Teleporter. Some of those thoughts are coming back so much I’m thinking a sequel will be drafted soon. Sometimes life throws you bad stuff and its up to you to get out of it. Sometimes being that variable thinker is enough to climb back to where you want to be. I’ve had great years and complete stinkers, some started great and ended in harrowing defeat.

Getting your ass kicked is a learning curve in its own right, next time just be more variable to the punches and roll with them!

 

5 Reasons why YOU should read The Teleporter

Everyday we face adversity, whether it be from injustice, bad news, the jobs we do or even our inner demons, surviving this world can be a miracle in its own right sometimes.

There’s so much out there in the world today that will get you down, so as humans we need to escape, hence my third book The Teleporter; a not so heroic tale of true life struggles in which modern readers can very much relate to. Here’s 5 reasons why YOU should read it…

1. It’s pretty much real, apart from the fact it’s fiction…

Stay with me here, but the story of the Teleporter and like all of my books contain several elements and plot arcs that are taken from truth/real life scenarios. Kurt Wiseman is probably the closest version of myself reflected in any of my stories. Why is that interesting? Because it makes the struggle our hero faces real, and when something feels real, it’s worth hearing. Strip away all of the words and fancy stuff, you’ll still hear what is a story of just a person trying to make it in life…

2. It’s comedic

Most of you will know by my marketing efforts that the Teleporter is in fact a comedy. If you read it I guarantee it will get you laughing somewhere. Although there is much merriment in this tale, it faces real issues with that comedic touch, making the whole deal light to read and relatable… 

3. The Teleporter isn’t afraid to face the demons of this world head on…

Trust me when I say this, the Teleporter isn’t afraid to call out assholes and problems this world has with assholes. I designed the story to be that way, for a ‘hero’ to lift the lid on stuff such as, money spinning businesses that don’t care, media control, alcoholism, diversity, friendship, abuse of power and even Trump. The whole theme of the Teleporter is to stand up and be listened to, no matter what background you are. Together we all have a voice to change the crap that this world faces, daily. 

4. It’s short, and cheap

The novella length book means it isn’t the standard length of my books. This means you’ll be through with it in no time, what’s not to like about that! The paperback is less that £5 and way less to download, everybody loves their heroes for a bargain price.

5. There are so many morals in the Teleporter’s journey..

Kurt Wiseman’s story is a journey of struggle, realization and friendship. It’s not just a meaningless ‘lets beat up the baddies’ type of deal with a bunch of gags. There is real reasoning and motive behind it. Something I hope people will tap into and appreciate. Every action in this world has a reaction, and that is one of the many lessons this book will highlight. 

6. Bonus: You may see more of the Teleporter!

This is in the basic thought process right now, but if enough people read it and like it, you may see another Teleporter tale in the near future. Everyone loves a sequel! 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Weekly Ramble #2

I want to talk about cliché, a word every blogger and writer clashes with every time they put finger to key board, and in this place it’s okay to talk about it…

Is it cliché to come across as artsy and reflective when talking about being a writer? As much as I like the image of wearing a dark roller neck jumper, cradling a whisky tumbler, staring thorough thick rimmed glasses and reclining in a popular chat show sofa; that image totally isn’t me.

I find myself dancing around the inevitable question when somebody tells me they’ve read my work, it’s almost as if they are waiting for me to ask ‘what did you think?’. Instead I’ll weave around their words and seem disinterested, yet another typical behavior artists have towards their work.

But cliché seems to evolve around everything successful in story telling today, you see it in similar looking book covers, titles and everyone has to have at least two reviews on that cover. As much as we strife to stay away from cliché, we need it for our stories to thrive.

In my writing I like to suggest something typical is about to happen or a certain person has traits that are seemingly familiar only for the reader to discover there is something much deeper within and that is the inner message of all my work. I call back to my latest novel The Teleporter, and the main character Kurt Wiseman. On the surface of this story the whole deal reeks of comic book style cliché with a dusting of comedy, something I meticulously toiled over and decided would probably sell the book, something now I was very wrong about. I wanted people to come for the super hero bit, but stay for what the story is really about (read it and you will find out). In essence I failed to capture the right level of cliché in a super hero comedy, a niche which would seem failure proof.

Unfortunately cliché moments in the book are what sometimes define them, readers want to see the good versus evil battle, the damsel in distress get rescued, the rugged semi handsome guy put in the save, an older paternal/maternal type perhaps die on their valiant sword for their efforts, the guy gets the girl, the nerd is actually a warrior, the monsters came from space, the bad guy is bad for a reason, the dead parents… the list ultimately goes on.

What if all of the above is justification to say there are no more original stories?

Something which I half agree with, but what if you can get over that statement by being different, perhaps delivering the story in a different way that distracts the reader enough not to think this was the same old stuff. If can call back to another one of my works; Open Evening, the not so typical high school horror with so much more waiting underneath the surface. Yes you’ve got the typicality of such a story, but the way it is delivered, the struggle, the uncertainty, the ultimate resolve all have a different and a cliché busting way of providing the story which is totally different to those in it’s genre. Just read the reviews, not one bad word goes against the actual story.

If I’m going to plug my books it is not complete without Darke Blood; a not so ‘vampirey’ type vampire story… again the whole deal begins with your typical horror affair but what comes out the other end is a bunch of things done before, but not like they have been done in Darke Blood.

All of my work is example enough to say cliché can be embraced and avoided. There are ways as writers and bloggers that we can deliver our products and words differently. Then again if we are all going to be different, then aren’t we actually the same? I guess that’s cliché to say…

 

 

 

 

 

My 3rd book The Teleporter is released!

Let’s face it, the internet works in weird and wonderful ways. My last two book release posts had zero views and zero likes so I could be saying anything right now, like Zuckerberg is actually one of those lizard folk, or cheese is in fact political propaganda to keep us lactose intolerant…

But for those inclined, my third book THE TELEPORTER is officially available via amazon. Click here to check it out…

This time I have written what appears to a super hero comedy on the surface but has actually turned out to be something way more than the genre it’s identified by. Although yes it is still funny (I really hope!) the story faces many different modern issues in this world we live. From low self esteem and self reflection to corruption in politics and business, this one I hope will result in giving the reader something to think about all with a healthy dose of haha! But these serious issues are never treated as a joke, that’s what makes it compelling.

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So what’s the story? 

Our main character Kurt Wiseman is serial ‘drinksmith’ (cool word huh?) and a general layabout/ graphic novelist. That is until he accidentally discovers the ability to Teleport whilst investigating his corrupt millionaire media controlling Trump… I mean boss.

What follows is a story of triumph, struggle, friendship and even mild addiction as Kurt becomes the Teleporter and looks to fight injustice, not because he should, but because he chooses to. The whole morality of good vs bad is highlighted throughout the narrative as our comedy guy fights the forces laid against him.

Above all this story is about honesty and power. In these words lay the most truth I have ever told as a writer, and as long as fiction contains some element of realism then the reader can relate. 

 

I have to take this opportunity to thank my heroic book team for helping me put this together. My editor and publisher Nicky of Satin Publishing has been truly wonderful throughout the process and always contactable when needed. Her work has enhanced my story by tenfold.

Design for Writers have provided another fantastic cover managing to set a tone I could only visualize by words and they have been brilliant throughout.

My final nod is to the loyal people who have already got themselves a copy, the following I have is small but unconditional loyal and for that I must thank you a million times. This whole deal is to prove my passion is worth pursuing and my readers do that every time without fail. Thank you. 

For people old and new who are following me and reading my stuff I must implore you to leave a review via amazon, goodreads, a blog or even Facebook (Lizardberg wont mind), and remember Selfies sell books

The Teleporter is out now!