Weekly Ramble #73

I’m off booze. Abstaining from excessive snacking. Taken away the junk. But still scales you deceive me with your consistent high numbers… Is this lock down fat more stubborn? Is the increased amount of running not enough? What else do I need to do in order to get that number you deceive me with down, you dirty deceiver… 

There ain’t much to get out of bed early for in these times. To go running so I don’t get heat stroke or have to cross the damn street because everyone and their mates dog has taken up walking. I get up for that and for the weigh in with hopes its less than before. Still the results aren’t happening. I’m literally running distances I haven’t since the beginning of my twenties. Injuries throughout the past ten years kept me back but now I am bombarding this campaign with good stuff.

Do I have to take away everything nice I eat and drink in order to drop just one measly pound. Just one less than yesterday please. Must heaven and earth be moved for just a slight decline in numbers?  God I’ve never been so damn hungry…

Let’s talk about… Bad Reviews

It’s a fantasy to think everyone is going to like your writing and as soon as you become active in the social media arena or have achieved publication, that work no longer belongs to you.

SUCK IT UP, BUTTERCUP! How to Handle Bad Book Reviews (Hint: Do ...

Dealing with reviews of all types is a letting go exercise trust me and this relates to the coping mechanism I have in place when someone calls bullshit on my work or fixates on something arbitrary that spoiled their reading experience and totally didn’t grasp what I tried to achieve in writing…

I could go on, but you have to accept that firstly be proud of your work but remember it’s up to everyone else to interpret the words, so to cope you must let it go man… 

There isn’t much you can do to stop bad reviews and how exactly does one define ‘bad’?

Again we mustn’t dwell on content of the review but look past it towards coping because this stuff like most publishing ‘success’ is in the eye of the beholder and you’ve gained that review because someone took the time to read your work and perhaps even found it via their own accord.

Criticism is a sign you are a known entity in your field and so let’s look at why someone could have left a scathing review by analyzing the type of review it is… (I may or may not have received some on these…) while also sourcing a solution or at least a way to cope.

The Revenge /Retaliation Review 

This type of review is most probably a direct response to something you’ve possibly reviewed or called out as bad in the past. The person has taken it very personally and so they’ve taken that and converted it into a short but very insulting review. It could even be borderline abusive and compulsive and is highly unlikely that they’ve actually read your work. There’s probably nothing in the review that relates to the story.

Solution: Oh boy, integrity is the word here. That investigative blog post you wrote has backfired a little… or that review for a book you didn’t like has opened a can of worms…

Look at it like this; you have work published which is just a vulnerable outlet for someone to retaliate. Stand strong, take a breath and know the person just left these words to be spiteful. If it is abusive and on Amazon, you can always report it or if you have the tact, maybe take down whatever triggered the review. But as I say, have some integrity, this type of review will stick out like a sore thumb and most likely not be taken into account by readers. Let it be.

 The ‘Fixation Excuse’ review

Every now and then someone will take on your work and deliberately go looking for something they can use to bash it. They will fixate on something that happens in the story and won’t be able to look past it. Maybe you’ve used a slang word or god forbid even a swear word that they just cannot forgive. Did your character do something out of character? How dare they… Even in this world of adults writing books, some reviewers will lower themselves to childish levels just to not like something.

Whatever they’ve fixated their excuse upon means they probably haven’t grasped the story you wrote – they most probably know fuck all about writing either…

Solution: That book bloggstagrammer you gave a free e copy to has backfired big time! But use it to your advantage. Console in your twitter following and watch people come swooping in to put in the save because for every two star review I’ve got and bunch of better reviews came after. These type of reviews make great material to use for marketing trust me…

I even responded to such a review via one of my weekly ramble posts which got a serious amount of views. Of course you want to see that now don’t you? It’s here...

The ‘wannabe columnist/scholar’ review

Who Gets to be Called "Scholar of Islam"? | The Muslim Skeptic

this picture makes me laugh

There’s a special place in reviewer hell for people who want to ultra analyse stories and find every possible flaw while also trying to be a scholar when comparing your work to others. They would have read your work in its entirety but would have also dissected it like it were a final dissertation or essay about the themes of an avocado…

Trust me when I say there are people out there who try to out write and even try to look more intelligent than the writer by being rather overindulgent in their words. They might even use the phrase ‘diablo ex machina’ to describe your debut novel – whatever the fuck that means… other words that frequent are: archetype, participles, and apathetic.

Solution: Sit back and laugh at how much effort they’ve put in to try and appear like a scholarly critic. I will say this once and once only THEY ARE JUST BOOKS!

But seriously you will need to look at the star rating to tell if they liked it. Treat it like a one off…

The ‘Did they like it or not?’ Review

Okay so we’re moving into the realms of comedy now which means these types of review are a lot easier to swallow. This review may appear in many types of form but will include an introductory compliment before a ‘not my cup of tea’ type insult before more compliments along the lines of ‘I didn’t like this one, but I will be sure to check out his other works although he’s a pig…’

You’re left thinking ‘did they like it or not’ and well the solution is this…

Solution: At this point who gives a shit if they liked it or not, they left a review which will contribute to your Goodreads stats. Thank you kind or unkind stranger…

Final Thought and The ‘Dont’s’ of bad reviews

It’s cliche to say but don’t respond to any type of review directly. Good or bad stay away. If you are particularly bothered by it then do blog, tweet and shout about it. Reviews are the pipeline to publicity for your work. Embrace them even the ‘diablo ex machina’ whatever that means ones, even the bad ones and remember like a balloon filled with helium, letting it go means it will disappear. 

You just need to find a way to cope and then all reviews will have a positive outcome,

Thank you for reading. How do you face ‘bad reviews’?

No ‘diablo ex machinas’ were harmed in the making of this blog post… 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

FREE Paperback Giveaway

Readers from the UK I have 4 signed paperback copies of ‘The Teleporter’ to give away! Seeing as we are all probably staying in for the immediate future, why not take some time to yourself and get into a good book!

Not that I am suggesting The Teleporter is good, but you have a chance of winning 1 of 4 copies right now over on Facebook. Here’s the Link

 

 

The stories that inspire us – ‘Dumb and Dumber’

The stories we read, see and hear sometimes leave a lasting effect on our lives. Stories inspire us to be who we are. They shape our own journey and can take the mind anywhere. There are some stories that effect us so much, they even shape our future…

Comedy is often overlooked in this world. The ability to make one laugh is possibly the most human thing someone can do and to me one of the easiest ways to make someone comfortable or uncomfortable. Most of us know there is a very fine margin between comics and depression but laughter can be a vessel out of the darkness.

‘Hey, wanna hear the most annoying sound in the world?’

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‘Dumb and Dumber’ is a film that many might judge by it’s simplistic title and much of the story is simple but to me it’s a fun and even heartwarming story about friendship. Two friends Harry (Jeff Daniels) and Lloyd (Jim Carrey) are going nowhere in life ‘unless you wanna work forty hours a week…’ and set out on a road trip to reunite a briefcase that Lloyd witnessed a woman drop before getting on a flight. It’s the typical road trip buddy story where the pair find themselves in stupid but very funny situations.

‘Why you going to the airport? Flying somewhere?’

Like a lot of cinema in history it has a few non PC moments but for most of the film Dumb and Dumber carries an innocent level of comedy in the realms of stupidity – both on a physical and literal level. Without over analysing it, the script is a juggernaut of quotes that I say to myself quite often. Much of my comedy influence has come from this film over the years where both actors put in considerable performances and today their resumes are decorated.

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Carrey and Daniels are household names

The film appeals to a wide range of ages which is the key to all successful comedy. There are more adult style gags which will go over younger audience’s head’s while the physical and straight up silliness will get everyone laughing. Although this film was released in the early 90’s it still stands up quite well and the soundtrack like all Farrelly brother’s films is golden.

‘You know, Lloyd, just when I think you couldn’t possibly be any dumber, you go and do something like this… and totally redeem yourself!’

Image result for dumb and dumber gif

For many years and even today this is film that brightens up my day. It’s fun, silly and easy to watch. You can find the influence of Dumb and Dumber in much of my work from my novella ‘The Teleporter’ to the Pantomime plays I have written.

It is my opinion that without comedy the world would be a much darker place. And if you are ever feeling down in any way my advice; find something that makes you laugh – for me that’s Dumb and Dumber.

Do you have a go-to comedy film or series? 

Reviewing The Teleporter by Kurt Brindley

I raise my glass to fellow author and friend Kurt Brindley for his awesome review of the Teleporter.

Check out what he had to say below!

I urge you check out Kurt’s most recent release ‘The Good Kill’ which I reviewed a short while back; it’s an enthralling, gripping tale of epic proportions taking the reader on a ride full of twists, turns and action… so trust me, it’s good!

Buy it here!  Go now!

 

BOOK | FICTION | HUMOR THE TELEPORTER LEE HALL RATING: ★ ★ ★ ★ What if there was a power like no other? What if one drunken slouch happened to stumble where nobody has stumbled before and discovered the ability to teleport!Just when you thought there were enough super hero stories in this world, we made another one…Kurt […]

via THE TELEPORTER by Lee Hall – A Review — KURTBRINDLEY.COM

Dirty Lawyers (A Night Audit Series Book 5) by Bruce Knapp – Review

Fun gross out comedy…

Dirty Lawyers is the gross out comedy of the ‘Night Audit’ Series. Here we see Zach move into a new place while also finally pursuing his schooling. There’s a hint of 90’s nostalgia in this story and paired with new room mate Jake they host a party in their new apartment which ends with mixing drinks, truth or dare and then an embarrassing attempt in courting the impossibly out of reach Ashley for Zach; all of which is slightly cringe worthy but also fun.

Back at the hotel a group of Lawyers have taken up residency in true ‘animal house’ form making Zach’s hangover ten times worse as these ‘lawyers’ appear to take over. This of course results in more cringe and laugh moments which all ends with an even funnier twist.

4 Stars 

Guys’ Night Out (A Night Audit Series Book 3) by Bruce Knapp – Review

A hilarious account of one drunken night out…

guys

We all think we have good ideas and they seem even better when you add alcohol. In this story we see Zach away from the workplace and out on the town with Randy and Jake. That is without letting on to their colleague Wade who appears to be somewhat of a drip so inviting him is out of the question. What ensues is the typical ‘guys night’ that the title suggests, from chugging beers to a friend going missing to even getting thrown out of one place.

Eventually all roads for Zach lead back to the hotel he works at and Wade. What follows is the drunken idea of initiating him with hilarious results which at the very end of the book have dangerous consequences leaving this story finishing on a cliffhanger.

5 stars 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So It Begins (A Night Audit Series Book 1) by Bruce Knapp – Review

A fun and intriguing but very relatable short story…

so it begins.PNG

Zach is having a bad day. His car has run out of gas and the local gas station only takes cash. That’s how this story starts and like the best of us when it rains it pours. His job is no better, it’s physical menial work that could probably be best described as back breaking and with a supervisor like his it was only a matter of time until he did what all of us sometimes dream of doing.

Soon enough Zach’s luck begins to change as his best friend advises him to apply for a new job opening; that being a Night Auditor for a hotel. He begins training and just when everything looks towards even more intrigue I found myself at the end of this book and chapter…

Everything is set in motion for what will become a journey of discovery for both Zach and the reader. Looking forward to reading more from the 5 part Night Audit Series.

4 Stars

 

 

Author self interview: Lee Hall

Today see’s the beginning of a new series of posts called ‘Ask the author’. I will be interviewing myself about all things books, writing and being an indie author…

 

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Lee Hall 

How long have you been writing for? 

Since around the age of twelve I started putting together stories on an old window’s 98 computer. Seeing as I’m in my mid to late twenties that’s quite a while…

So it sounds like you’ve known for some time this is what you have always wanted to do. How successful have you been as an indie author? 

Well success as an author or success at anything in life is in the eye of the beholder. In terms of statistics I have sold around 100 copies of my books combined. In terms of money, I haven’t made anything near what people perceive. But then again I am not in this for the money. To have a few people take a selfie of my book and leave a few reviews is enough for me to grant a project successful.

What are you in writing for? 

To immerse people into worlds as I have been as a reader. There is no greater theater than the human mind. Books really do rule and they help the human imagination grow.

You currently have two books published, could you describe the both of them in three words? 

Open Evening – Teenage Terror Chase

Darke Blood – Vampires Witches Identity

What are you currently working on? 

I have been drafting two projects so far this year. The first was just a bit of fun and can be best described as a vanity project, whenever I am in between books I delve into it but I’m not telling you what it is just yet.

The second project I am currently drafting is the sequel to Open Evening! I am 80% through draft one of Cemetery House with a view to publish in 2018! For those who follow me via email I will be looking to send out sample stuff to followers!

Both Open Evening and Darke Blood can both be considered as horror or at least thriller in genre. Is there any other genre’s you would consider writing in the future? 

Hell yeah! I am currently putting together initial plans (in my mind) for a comic book style super hero comedy. This would be a novella or at least a shorter novel, so watch this space!

db and oe

Darke Blood and Open Evening by Lee Hall 

 

What advice would you give an aspiring author in terms of marketing a book? 

Start talking about your book now! Tweet, Facebook status and blog the hell out of it. Of course don’t shove it down people’s throats, be cool and subtle. The greatest way to sell a book is via networking and word of mouth. Get people talking online and sharing stuff, a good support network of friends will help to kick things off. You can read more on marketing in my resources section here

 

And that’s the first part of my self interview, thank you for reading and of course if you have a burning question get in contact and I will feature it along with an answer next time!  

A new Ghostbusters film? Too far Hollywood?

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The world reacted yesterday in a rather negative form as the new Ghostbusters trailer made its way onto the uber democracy of internet land. Having just seen the trailer myself and seeing that I haven’t put out a blog in a while it feels fitting to throw in my two cents.

 

joker protonFirstly, I have many close friends and acquaintances that truly love the GB franchise. I have even seen the UK Ghostbusters in action back when I cosplayed more frequently as the joker. (yes that’s me as the Joker with a proton pack and yes your argument is invalid)

So yesterday the news feed and message feeds were full of opinions in which most of were against the idea of a reboot/sequel.

To really analyse why many have turned away from the prospect of another film you have to go back to the 80’s. A place where many young adults of today have fond memories of some truly classic films. My favourite film sways towards Back to the Future and in a way both films are linked in terms of tone and humour.

 

Ghostbusters on the surface comes across as a light horror or supernatural thriller which is then lightened by the comedy aspect. Bill Murray and Dan Aykroyd are natural with their humour and it somewhat fits into the narrative comfortably without any push.

After seeing the new GB trailer, the gags are somewhat over planned and pushed just for the sake of trying to achieve cheap laughs. The original was only funny because it meant something not because a laugh was simply planned.

I have nothing against the new cast and ‘all female’ line up but the script they are working with probably isn’t at its best. Comedy can be easy to write in terms of cheap gags, but putting out something meaningful and funny, now that is another talent completely

The whole reboot thing is the fad these days in Hollywood who at the moment have a hell of a lot to answer for. Without going all political right now, production companies find it preferable to recycle a known film franchise for guaranteed sales rather than risk it on something new. The only victim here is us, the movie watcher. That is why budding script writers and novel writers alike find it so hard to reach the ‘standard’ ways of publication because there is so much established crap in the way.

Overall I thought the trailer of the new GB film looked alright. I may even go and watch it just to find out if this is yet another unwanted reboot. Luckily for me although I really enjoyed the first two films it isn’t my favourite but its certainly up there.

Saying that, for a cult audience to have their favourite flick sort of ‘trodden over’ doesn’t make me particularly warming to the cause.

Have Hollywood gone too far? Are they looking for the same magic that made films of the past good? Films like Ghostbusters, Back to the Future, Robocop, the terminator and Rambo. Cult classics right, but the whole tone of movie making back then was different. The map was yet to be fully discovered.

Are you a GB fan? What do you make of it?

In other film news if you didn’t know this past weekend was the academy awards. This year Leo DiCaprio finally did it and got his Oscar! But to me it seems a little cheap this year, especially with the whole race discrimination thing and of course female actors seeking a more equal deal. It feels the academy did it begrudgingly just to distract us normal folk about how disjointed the academy and Hollywood is. Either way it was well deserved as Leo holds a catalogue of truly awesome films.